


Jane and Darcy's High School Reunion

by Stripes_040527



Category: Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Lewis is an ANGEL and DESERVES BETTER, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, School Reunion, Scientist Wrangler Darcy Lewis, just some good old fashioned goofy fluffy fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-01 01:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripes_040527/pseuds/Stripes_040527
Summary: Thor’s instructions were clear.Operation Find Darcy A Date To Say Fuck You To Her Bullies (Tony’s name for it) had several steps.1. Find the most attractive person possible2. Ask them to be Darcy’s date3. Get them a suit4. Get them on a plane5. Go to the reunion6. Make Darcy, and by extension Jane, happyA 10 year high school reunion is the last thing Darcy wants to think about, let alone go to - a decade still hadn't been enough to quite get over everything those people had done to her(Especially Britney)Desperate times call for desperate measures[In which Thor and Jane are excited about the reunion, Darcy hates everyone, and Steve is bullied into tagging along]
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Comments: 48
Kudos: 432





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This'll probably be four (?) chapters, but not super long ones, because that's how I write apparently
> 
> This was mostly written as a gift to my friend Maddy - we talked about it months ago, she came up with half of the story while we threw ideas back and forth, then yesterday she yelled at me because I hadn't finished it yet. True friendship, that is.

List of things that Darcy hates, in no specific order:

    1. When you take a sip of coffee and it’s cold and then you have that gross cold coffee feeling in your mouth for the rest of the day
    2. When you fall over in front of a really cute guy
    3. When that really cute guy is actually the most attractive guy you’ve ever met
    4. When that same guy is an Avenger and now thinks of you like a kid sister
    5. When his equally hot best friend laughs at you and then tells their other equally hot friend, who does that little smirk thing which is honestly worse than if she laughed at you outright
    6. When the most attractive guy probably in existence then asks if you need a hand every time you enter the common area, which is often because your best friend is dating another incredibly attractive person, and you know he’s being sincere which is even worse than if he were making fun of you
    7. The fact that Janey found a literal god of a boyfriend, who is hopelessly devoted to her and thinks she’s perfect, while you remain chronically single
    8. The fact that Janey having a boyfriend is making you feel jealous. Hmmm… file that away in the section of your brain marked “never think about again”
    9. The fact that you haven’t been laid in months and the idea of marrying Jane and telling Thor to fuck off is looking more and more viable at every moment
    10. Mosquitos 
    11. Tony Stark’s inability to calm down
    12. Every single person who has ever had a hand in the creation of pants
    13. Cabbage
    14. High school and everyone in it (excluding Janey, of course)
    15. Being reminded of high school
    16. Being invited to attend events with people from high school
    17. High school. High school! FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!

“I just can’t believe they found us!” Darcy exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I spent the last decade trying to escape them all and they still managed to get my address!”  
“Well, they found my address,” Jane said from her spot at the computer. “They just assumed you’d be here too.”  
“Oh great, thanks Janey. Now I’m not only invited, I’m also not special enough to warrant my own address.”  
“You _do_ live with me.”  
Darcy shot Jane a glare, then stood from the desk, huffing as she paced the lab.  
“It’s just bullshit, Jane, bullshit. They can all go to hell. I’m not going.”  
She paused long enough to pick up the invite, crumpling it in her hands as she continued to pace.  
“I am.”  
The world tilted for a second and Darcy’s mouth dropped open.  
“What? I’m a success story, it’s my moral imperative to go.”  
“And you have a hot boyfriend to show off,” Darcy grumbled.  
Jane turned from her computer with a sigh.  
“Darce, is this really such a big deal?”  
“Look, you don’t get it. You were a nerd, but you were a good nerd. Quiet, did your own thing, too busy with science and math to care about what was going on around you. And you were hot, you were always hot. But me? I was the fat little weirdo with glasses and no sense of style and Jane, Janey, I can’t do it.”  
“You’re hot and accomplished now,” Jane offered. “You work for Tony Stark and have lunch with Pepper Potts every week. You’re living baby Darcy’s dream, and they can all suck it. Especially Britney.”  
“Especially Britney,” Darcy echoed.  
“Come with me Darcy, it’ll be fun.”  
“Why are you really going Jane?”  
Darcy narrowed her eyes as Jane stared at her shoes.  
“Thor wants to go,” Jane admitted. “He saw the invite and asked what it was.”  
“Traitor!”  
“He was so excited, I couldn’t say no!”  
“This is bullshit,” she sighed. “I’ll need a date.”  
“Why?”  
“You’re going with a literal god on your arm, and what? I’m just gonna tag along and third wheel the whole night? Don’t think so.”  
Darcy sat down with a heavy sigh, rubbing her face.

“You’re invited to our 10 year reunion!” it read, written in silver on the black invite. “Langley High School’s class of 2009.”

“Ask Thor,” Jane said suddenly the next day. “Ask Thor to get you a date.”  
“What?”  
“He would love to do that for you. That way you don’t have to ask anyone and he’ll find you someone cool.”  
“This is going to be a fucking disaster, Janey. I can already tell.”

-*-

“Thor?” Darcy called, wandering into the common room. “You here?”  
“Darcy!” Thor yelled back, head buried in the fridge.  
“I need a favour, big guy.”  
“Anything you need, I will do it.”  
“Love that enthusiasm.”  
He closed the fridge, arms piled with containers of leftovers.  
Carefully he set them out on the kitchen counter, opening them methodically and grabbing a fork.  
“I wish I had your metabolism,” she said mournfully as she watched him start eating.  
“A warrior needs a hearty meal to stay in peak fighting form,” he told her. “What do you need?”  
“Well.. you know the reunion?”  
“The high school one that Jane was invited to?”  
“Yeah, that’s the one. I was also invited to it and I need your help.”  
“What with?”  
“Okay, so. This is going to sound weird and maybe a little bit pathetic, but I need you to bear with me.”  
Thor nodded earnestly and Darcy relaxed slightly.  
“I need a date.”  
“But I am going with Jane. Unless you wish to also be our date! We can all go together!”  
“Not quite what I meant, buddy. Can you get me a date for it?”  
“Get you a date?” he asked, head tilted in confusion.  
“Look, I don’t know anyone who is hot, single, and who would make a good date. I need you to scope out someone who will come with me and wow the pants off all of the shitty people I went to high school with.”  
“Why?”  
“Because high school was hell, Thor!” she cried, covering her face with her hands. “I was so unpopular and uncool; I need someone to make everyone think I’m a massive success story.”  
“I don’t understand, are you not impressive enough now? I think you are. And so does Stark and Banner and everyone else who knows you.”  
“Look, I know, I know. I’m being unfeminist and letting myself and womankind down. But that’s so not the point. These people… they’ll eat me alive. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done on my own, if I show up without a partner it’ll just be hours of everyone saying I’m sad and lonely and too fat to get a boyfriend.”  
“You’re not fat.”  
“Thor, I love your energy and I love that sentiment. But it doesn’t matter what you or I think, it’s what they think. And they were all skinny and perfect and are now all married to their high school sweethearts and living their best lives. I’m a mess who barely graduated and can’t hold a partner down for longer than a month.”  
“I understand, Darcy. But why have you asked this of me?”  
“You know everyone, and no one would even dream of saying no to you. You’ll find someone perfect.”  
Thor nodded slowly, a frown furrowing his eyebrows.  
“I see.”  
“Plus I need someone to hang out with me, lord knows you and Janey will go off and talk to people and I don’t want to be alone.”  
“I can help you find a date, dear Darcy.”  
“Thank you!” she cried, running around the counter to hug him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”  
She went to leave but paused.  
“I want the most attractive person possible. Someone who will make them all jealous. Smart too, if you can. Just someone I can have a good time with and show off.”  
He pouted.  
“But I’m the most attractive.”  
“Besides you of course. Don’t let me down, big guy.”  
“I won’t.”

-*-

“So…” Jane started, trying for casual and failing by a country mile. “Thor is really excited to get you a date.”  
“Shut up,” Darcy grumbled. “Just shut up. I know it’s pathetic.”  
“It’s not. If I didn’t have Thor, I wouldn’t have gone.”  
“Fingers crossed he finds someone good.”  
“He’s taking it surprisingly seriously. I’m sure he’ll find someone good.”  
“I’m kind of scared but I trust his judgement.”  
“And who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky and get to take an Avenger.”  
“Reckon Natasha is free?”  
“She’s incommunicado for the next month, I believe.”  
Darcy swore, loudly, then groaned.  
“God dammit. She would be perfect, she’s gorgeous and smart and a really good actress.”  
“She sure is. Anyway, want to help me line up these plates?”  
“What are we building again and why haven’t you asked an intern to do it?”  
“Really? It’s for measuring energy, too complex to get into. Also, why would I ask an intern, I’ve got you.”  
“Jane… I haven’t been your intern in over a year.”  
“And yet, you still are going to help me.”  
Darcy rolled her eyes, then stepped forward to take the ruler from Janey.  
“Yeah, alright.”

-*-

Thor’s instructions were clear.  
Operation Find Darcy A Date To Say Fuck You To Her Bullies (Tony’s name for it) had several steps.

    1. Find the most attractive person possible
    2. Ask them to be Darcy’s date (don’t let them know why, Tony had told him, just say she needs someone to go with to keep her company)
    3. Get them a suit
    4. Get them on a plane
    5. Go to the reunion 
    6. Make Darcy, and by extension Jane, happy

Step one was straightforward, simple.  
To Thor, the most attractive person after himself was an easy decision.

“Do you wish to be Darcy’s date for her high school reunion?” he asked when he walked into the lab, skipping pretence and greetings entirely.  
“Hi Thor,” Bruce said hesitantly. “Be Darcy’s what for what?”  
“Be Darcy’s date. For a reunion. She does not have a date and I do not wish her to be lonely.”  
“Oh. Ummm… I don’t know,” Bruce said, blinking at him in confusion.  
“It is next weekend. Jane and I will also be there.”  
“Next weekend? Sorry Thor, I’ll be at a conference.”  
Thor regarded him seriously, then nodded.  
“Okay. That is a shame. I wanted to find her the most handsome date possible.”  
“And you asked _me_?”  
“Yes. You are the obvious choice. The most handsome and also very smart. A very impressive person. Also I like the Hulk, you are both good company.”  
“Thank you?”  
“You are welcome,” Thor said with a grin. “Alas, I will find someone else.”  
“Thanks anyway, I guess.”  
Thor nodded once, then turned and marched out.  
“What in the world?” Bruce said loudly, watching him go

Okay, so step one was slightly harder than anticipated.  
But not to worry, Thor told himself, he knew who the next most handsome was, someone who Darcy was also very good friends with.

“Barton!” he called, as he entered the common room. “Can we speak?”  
Clint jumped violently, then pouted as he died in the video game he was playing.  
“Yeah, sure, what’s up?”  
“Darcy is in need of a date for her high school reunion next weekend. Do you wish to come?”  
Clint frowned at him, putting the controller down.  
“Darcy needs a date? Why would she need a date?”  
“She has been too busy to find one, so I have taken it upon myself to find one for her.”  
“Man, she’s like my little sister. It’s gonna be weird if she takes her married older coworker to an event like that.”  
“Ah… I see.”  
Thor huffed, crossing his arms as he sat on the couch beside Clint.  
“This is proving to be more challenging than I thought it would be.”  
“Why are you so worried about it?” Clint asked off-handedly. “Darcy is dynamite, she doesn’t need a date.”  
“She… She does not wish to go alone. Jane and I will also be going, but Darcy thinks we will probably want to ‘do our own thing’ so she will spend the night standing in a corner. I want to find her the most handsome and impressive date.”  
Clint nodded.  
“Makes sense you’d ask me then. I am very impressive.”  
“Verily.”  
“It’s fine, dude. She’ll be fine on her own.”  
“I worry she will not. Her school years were not kind to her, and there will be a lot of people who she does not like there.”  
“Why doesn’t she just skip it then?”  
“Jane said that would be worse than going alone.”  
Clint shrugged, then held out the controller.  
“Wanna play?”  
“I can not. I have to find a date for my Darcy. It is the least I can do for her.”  
“Ask Steve,” came a voice from behind them.  
Clint and Thor turned to see Bucky leaning against the dining table, watching them.  
“What?” Clint asked, incredulous.  
“Ask Steve. He has time off next weekend and he’d happily do it. Loves helping someone out in a tight spot.”  
Thor nodded thoughtfully.  
“You are correct, he is very helpful.”  
“I can ask for you if you want.”  
“That would be very agreeable,” Thor said happily. “Do not tell him why, and do not tell Darcy either. I am going to surprise her with a date and I do not think she would be very happy if she knew I told you why she wants one.”  
Bucky shrugged.  
“None of my business.”

-*-

“Steve, please,” Bucky whined, kicking his legs as he sat on Tony’s worktable.  
“Why do you want me to do this so badly?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.  
“Darcy’s a sweet gal, and she needs a date.”  
“Why not you?”  
Bucky gave him a look, then said “crowds” pointedly.  
“Okay, yeah, that’s fair,” Steve said with a sigh.  
He crossed his arms as he watched Tony start fiddling with the wires in Bucky’s arm.  
“What are you even asking about?” Tony asked, not looking up from his work.  
“Darcy needs a date for a reunion this weekend and I said I’d find her one.”  
“She still hasn't found someone?”  
“She’s too busy and also I think this may be a surprise for her? I’m not sure, I’m just doing what Thor told me to do.”  
“How many people are in on this?” Steve asked loudly.  
“Almost everyone. Clint for sure, Nat probably. Even Wanda asked how the hunt was going.”  
“I’m sure they’ll find someone. Someone who’s not me.”  
“They won’t.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I volunteered you last week.”  
Steve sighed, heavily.  
“So now I have to go?”  
“No, but I think you should. It’ll be fun for you.”  
“Yeah, Cap,” Tony agreed, nodding furiously. “Get you out into the world, make some friends, see how awful adults are when you put them around their high school friends.”  
“I don’t need more friends,” Steve said with a sniff.  
“Steve. Stevie. Steven Grant. Darcy needs this.”  
“No, she doesn't. In what world could Darcy _need_ a date?” Tony asked, before shoving a screwdriver in his mouth.  
“In the world where otherwise she’s going to be alone, surrounded by people who used to pick on her, and tagging along with her best friend who is dating an Avenger,” Bucky said like it was obvious. “Also, she doesn’t need a date, she needs a friend to keep her company while she flaunts how cool she is.”  
“You are very invested in this,” Steve said dryly, choosing to ignore the arguments given.  
“She’s good people, Steve. Keeps Tony from blowing us all up, brings bagels for everyone, distracts Clint when he wants to cause trouble. She talks to me like I’m a real person, not just a brainwashed war criminal.”  
“Wow, straight for the throat,” Tony faux-whispered, throwing the screwdriver on the floor and snapping the access flap on Bucky’s arm shut. “Okay, flex those fingers. Any issues?”  
Bucky shook his head, twisting his wrist and flexing his fingers.  
“All good, thanks Tony.”  
“Any time,” Tony said easily, before rounding on Steve. “Lewis is a tenacious little monster, and I’m ever so grateful to have her here. Just do it. I’ll pay for everything.”  
“That was assumed,” Steve said dryly, arms still crossed and eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you take her?”  
“Because I’m old enough to be her father.”  
“And not to mention, Tony fucking Stark,” Bucky said with an eye roll.  
“I’m choosing to believe you mean Tony fucking Stark as in ‘holy shit that’s Tony Stark’ and not ‘yuck that’s Tony Stark’.”  
“Believe what you want.”  
Tony shot him a look, which Bucky pointedly ignored.  
“The point is that she needs someone to keep her company,” Bucky told Steve. “Someone who will also back her up. Do you even get how unbelievable it is that she works for Tony Stark and sees the Avengers on the regular? No one would believe her, unless she had someone to prove her right. And you know who’s perfect for that? Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America a.k.a. the bastion of truth and morality in today’s world.”  
“Bucky,” Steve said tiredly, shaking his head.  
“Seriously, she needs someone to keep her company and look after her. Apparently a lot of people she went to high school with are assholes.”  
Bucky paused, eyes glinting as he stared Steve down.  
“Bullies, some might say.”  
He smirked and Tony laughed, both watching Steve obviously struggle with it all.  
“Okay, fine,” Steve spat out. “I’m doing this because she’s nice to me and I want her to have a good night. I’m not doing this for anyone else.”  
Bucky raised an eyebrow and Steve sighed.  
“I hate you,” he muttered, as Tony clapped his hands in delight.  
“First things first,” Tony announced, “you need a haircut and to be fitted for a suit. And you’re looking a bit scruffy, so Friday, get me a barber here tomorrow. Oh, and also order him some new dress shoes, his are looking a bit battered.”  
Tony grinned at a camera in the ceiling, then rounded on Steve.  
“Tomorrow afternoon, meet me in the penthouse at 4pm. Anything you have on, cancel it. We have to get that beard trimmed, hair styled, and suit fitted.”  
“I feel like the bell of the ball,” Steve said sarcastically.  
“Well get ready, Cinderella, it’s going to take a lot more than a magic wand to get you presentable.”  
“Hey Tony?”  
“Yeah Steve?”  
“Fuck you.”

Steve turned and walked out, giving them the finger as he left.  
Tony and Bucky managed to hold it together until he was out of sight, then dissolved into laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The preparing for and attending of The Reunion
> 
> Featuring a couple of meltdowns, a lot of drinks, even more lies, and Jane's Ultimate Party Trick

It took Darcy six hours and 34 minutes to find The Dress.

Jane found hers in about 13 seconds, hanging right inside the first shop they tried, emerald green complimenting her skin perfectly.  
They had her size too, and wouldn’t you know it? It was on sale

“Stop pouting,” Jane said, when they eventually stopped for a milkshake.  
“I can’t help it,” Darcy too her. “Everything goes your way.”  
Jane gave her a look, and Darcy sighed.  
“Yeah, okay, I know. I’m being a brat.”  
“A big brat.”  
“The biggest.”  
Jane laughed softly, then reached out to put her hand on Darcy’s.  
“You’re going to look great, Thor will find you a date, you’ll impress the hell out of everyone, and then you’ll get to go home and bask in the glory that is showing off to people you went to high school with.”  
“I hope so.”  
“I know so. Now channel your inner Natasha Romanov, it’s time to find you a dress.”  
“You always know just what to say Janey,” Darcy said warmly, then grabbed her drink and stood up. “There’s got to be something good here, just waiting for me to wear.”

The Dress, as Darcy referred to it, was perfect.  
Always with capitals, The Dress.  
Short enough to be flirty yet modest enough for a cocktail event, it highlighted her curves and even matched her favourite lipstick.  
It was a maroon beauty.  
It also cost more than she earned in a month but when Tony gives you his credit card, what else are you supposed to do?  
Live it up, Darcy decided, live it right the fuck up.

Manicures, pedicures, new shoes, the works.  
All on Stark’s credit card.

He also rented them a room at the ritziest hotel in their home town, and paid for flights home.

Jane and Darcy flew down on Friday, stayed the night in an absurdly fancy suite, then spent Saturday lying around in bath robes watching reality television.  
Thor, they’d been told, had to stay on base for some meetings.  
He’d meet them there that evening, along with Darcy’s date, ready to go to the reunion.

“You know,” Darcy started, as she curled her hair. “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t landed yourself an alien boyfriend.”  
Jane, who was sitting on the bed still in a towel, nodded.  
“It’s not my fault I hit him with my car.”  
Darcy snorted.  
“It kind of is.”  
“You’re the one who tased him!”  
“He was scaring me!”  
“He was scaring all of us, but you’re the only one who attacked him!”  
“And it’s a good thing I did!”  
Jane pulled a disapproving face, then dissolved into giggles, flopping back onto the bed.  
“Want a beer?”  
“Janey, my dear, my love, my beautiful angel of a best friend. Yes. God, yes, right now.”  
“Then get one.”  
Darcy snorted again, putting down the curler and checking her hair.  
“Do you want one?” she asked, as she pinned the top half back.  
“I’m too much of a lightweight to even consider a pre-drink. You just look like you need one.”  
“I need more than one. Who even is my date?”  
“Thor didn’t say, just said that he’s perfect. Apparently he’s not the second most handsome, but he’s still very good looking.”  
“Thor thinks Tony is handsome.”  
Jane sat bolt upright, clutching at her towel so it wouldn’t fall.  
“God, you don’t think…?”  
“What? NO! He wouldn’t, would he?”  
“I don’t know!”  
“Thanks Janey, you always know how to make me panic!” Darcy said with fake enthusiasm, running to grab her phone.

“Darcy, this better be good.”  
Tony’s voice was tinny through the speaker, sounding distinctly unhappy.  
“Just need to confirm something. You’re not my date, are you?”  
Tony barked out a laugh, then said “no”.  
“Oh thank god,” Darcy breathed out, obviously relieved.  
“Hey! What would be so wrong with that? I’m great, thank you very-”  
He was cut off as Darcy hung up the phone, throwing it on the bed and shaking her head.  
She turned to Jane, pointing her finger at her.  
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”  
“Cross my heart,” Jane said sincerely.  
Then she stood, grabbing her dress and walking to the bathroom.  
“I’m going to get dressed. Then help with my hair and makeup?”  
Darcy stuck her tongue out at her, then nodded.  
“Fine, but only because I love you.”  
“Love you too, Darce.”

Darcy grabbed a beer from the minifridge, downed it, then opened another.  
She was halfway through when Jane exited the bathroom, gesturing her over.  
“My zip is stuck,” she explained.  
Darcy groaned loudly, walking to fix it.

“Okay, make up? Please?” Jane asked, eyes wide and innocent.  
“One day you’re going to have to learn to do this yourself,” Darcy told her, trying to emulate her mother’s strictest tone.  
“But you do the best wings, I can never get mine that straight or even.”  
Darcy narrowed her eyes then relented.  
“You know how to get on my good side.”  
“It’s the only way I managed to keep you around through so many years of physics and alien invasions.”  
“That and the power of friendship.”  
Jane laughed, loudly, then nodded to the bathroom.  
“Alright, let’s get pretty.”

It took far too long to get ready, at least in Jane’s opinion.  
There were, in all, fourteen different crises across the three hour period of getting ready.  
The last, and somehow the most ridiculous (including a tantrum that would make a three year old proud, stomping feet, and them both having to reapply their mascara) was over Darcy’s glasses and whether she should wear them or not.  
"They make me look distinguished and smart" vs. "glasses aren’t hot anymore and make me look nerdy."  
Darcy had eventually decided to leave them off, but getting to that point was such an ordeal that Jane was ready to go to bed before they’d even left the hotel room.

“Stress really changes a person,” Darcy said when it was over, smiling sheepishly at Jane.  
“I deserve it for the years of not sleeping and then throwing stuff at you when you took away my coffee.”  
“I still have a scar from the chemistry textbook,” Darcy told her proudly. “Although why you ever had a _chemistry_ textbook is beyond me.”  
“I don’t know either,” Jane admitted. “It was just handy. I think it was Ian’s, honestly.”  
“I thought he was physics too?”  
“Who even knows anymore. Are we ready? Thor should be here soon.”  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“Come on, it can’t be that bad. I’m sure your date will be lovely and charming, and you will have a great night. You’ll impress everyone with your degree and job, be an absolute pinnacle of success, then we can go home and we can forget this ever happened.”  
“You know,” Darcy said thoughtfully. “You’ve been really good at pretending to be excited for this, considering I know you want to go just as little as I do.”  
“Yeah, but Thor…” Jane said fondly, elbowing Darcy.  
“Yeah. Thor.”  
“He just thinks it sounds like so much fun, what am I supposed to say?”  
“No?”  
“I think he’ll have a good time. And you and I are success stories, it’s borderline illegal for us to miss a chance to brag about our lives to people we knew when we were teenagers.”  
“You’re right.”  
“I’m always right.”  
“You’re occasionally right.”  
“I’ll take it.”  
“I do keep forgetting about how much I get to brag about. Reckon if I asked, Thor would tell them all that I’m in charge of the Avengers?”  
“Darcy, he’d say anything you wanted him to.”  
“He’s an angel. A big, beefy, beautiful angel.”  
“He sure is.”  
Darcy sighed heavily.  
“Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

-*-

Thor and Steve were waiting out front, suits on, hair styled, shoes uncomfortable, and ties too tight.  
“Thank you again, Steven,” Thor said, hands clasped behind his back. “I know Darcy will appreciate this greatly.”  
“Just Steve is fine, Thor. And you’re welcome. Not like I had anything else to do on a Saturday night.”  
Thor turned to look at him, searching his face for sarcasm, then smiled.  
“They will be down soon, Jane just needed to put her shoes on.”  
Steve nodded, rocking on the balls of his feet.

The girls appeared a few minutes later, whisper-yelling at each other as they walked.  
“Jane, my sun, my stars, you look beautiful,” Thor said loudly, making them both look over.  
Jane’s face split into a brilliant smile, while Darcy looked sick.  
She immediately turned around, walking back into the hotel as quickly as she could in her heels.  
Jane held up a finger, face turning to panic.  
“We will be back in one moment, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, running back to Darcy.  
“That went well,” Steve said dryly. “You sure she’s appreciating it?”  
“I didn’t… actually tell her it was you.”  
Steve gave him a strange look.  
“What?”  
“I wanted to surprise her!”  
“Jesus,” Steve breathed out. “No wonder she ran.”  
Now it was Thor’s turn to give him a strange look.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Why would she want to go with me, anyway? There’s so many other people she could have gone with.”  
“Steve, my friend, you are a fool,” Thor said with a sigh. “She is just surprised. I’m sure it is nothing to do with you.”

Inside, Jane was coaching Darcy like a coach at a football game.  
“You’ve got this, Darce. You’ve totally go this.”  
“I can’t go with Captain fucking America! No one is ever going to believe he is actually here with me!”  
“But he is here with you, so…”  
“Don’t logic me, I’m having a meltdown!”  
“Darcy,” Jane said sternly, grabbing her face so she was forced to look in her eyes. “You are gorgeous, you are smart, you are funny and awesome and a great many other things, and you are here with Steve Rogers. He is going to escort you to the reunion, tell everyone how great you are, and you are going to have a great time.”  
“Why did he even agree? God, I’m so pathetic.”  
“Probably because he wants to be here.”  
“He’s going to hate every second of this.”  
“Look, he’s a great guy who thinks you are cool and fun. Because you are, you are cool and fun. And everyone else is going to see that.”  
“They’re all going to think I paid him,” Darcy wailed, flapping her hands wildly.  
“They’re all going to think he’s your boyfriend. You can’t buy that kind of reputation building.”  
“Jane, no one in their right mind is going to think he’s my boyfriend.”  
“They all will. Darcy, remember the plan.”  
“The plan… right, the plan. I’m going to be impressive, funny, interesting, and hot. I’m going to regale them all with the awesome stories I have about the Avengers, talk about how I met Thor, et cetera, et cetera.”  
“And why are you going to be impressive and interesting and all that other stuff?”  
“Because I am. I am impressive.”  
“That’s fucking right.”  
Darcy laughed.  
Jane never swore, and it surprised Darcy enough to stop her mid-panic.  
“Now come on, we’ve got hot dates and a cohort to mess with.”  
Darcy nodded, taking a deep breath.  
“Because we are fucking impressive.”  
“Exactly.”

They walked back out, Darcy waving sheepishly to Steve.  
“Sorry,” she said, wincing. “That wasn’t about you, I’m not… I’m not super happy about going tonight and I kind of panicked.”  
“Thor mentioned,” he said with a shrug. “Said you weren’t on the best terms with anyone except Jane.”  
“That’s an understatement,” she muttered.  
“You look beautiful, by the way,” he said lightly, gesturing to the car. “Shall we?”  
“Let’s rock and fucking roll.”  
He laughed, loudly, opening the door for her and shaking his head.

-*-

The ride to the venue was twenty minutes of the most awkward silence Darcy had ever sat through in her life.  
And her parents were divorced, she knew awkward silences.  
Somehow, this was worse.  
Thor and Jane talked quietly, her hand on his thigh as they muttered together.  
Darcy glared at Jane, who ignored it, then turned to Steve.  
“So, what’s been going on? I haven’t seen much of you recently. Or ever, really.”  
“Same old, same old. Meetings, missions, managing Bucky.”  
“Ah yes, the three M’s.”  
He shot her a sideways look, eyebrows raised.  
“What?”  
“You’re strange,” he said with a shrug.  
“In a good way or a bad way?”  
“I haven’t decided yet. Probably good, but you spend too much time with Tony for me to be certain yet.”  
She laughed and he winked at her.  
_Awkward silence: averted_, she thought, grinning.

They arrived at their destination without fanfare, Thor climbing out first and holding his hand out to Jane.  
As she took it, she turned to Steve.  
“Hey, Captain, can you pretty please do me a favour?”  
Darcy narrowed her eyes at her as Steve nodded.  
“Can you pretend to be Darcy’s boyfriend tonight?”  
“I… what?”  
“I know, it’s a lot to ask, but I just think it’d be way more fun that way.”  
Steve’s eyes widened, making him look like a deer in headlights.  
“Great, thanks!” Jane said, face a mask of innocence as she let Thor pull her out of the car.  
Darcy floundered for a moment, eyes flicking between Steve’s surprised face and the open door.

_Awkward silence: BACK_, she thought, panicking.

“Oh my god, holy shit, I hate her!” Darcy said, words tumbling out of her mouth. “You don’t have to, obviously, of course you don’t, she’s just worried about me.”  
“Why is she worried?”  
“Uh, no reason.”  
“Is it because of the same people that Thor was telling me about?”  
Darcy pressed her lips together, raising her chin defiantly.  
“I’ll do it.”  
She started, turning to look at him with a confused expression.  
“What?”  
“I’ll do it. You owe me though.”  
“You will never have to buy a drink while I’m around, for the rest of eternity. No matter what, I’m now paying for your drinks. And shit… I don’t know… I’ll get you a puppy?”  
“Drinks are a good start, we can talk about the puppy,” he said, lips pulling into a smile.  
“You’re laughing at me,” she realised, hanging her head. “I know, it’s pathetic. I deserve it.”  
“I am laughing at you, but not for the reason you think. It’s just very cute when you get all flustered.”  
“Buddy, if you’re trying for supportive, you are not going about it the right way.”  
“I know, I’m a terrible boyfriend. You can probably do better,” he said smugly.  
She glared at him, then pushed past him to exit the car.

“Well, if you’re not going to let me help you out of the car, at least let me hold open the door for you,” he said smoothly, holding his arm out for her.  
She took it slowly, cautiously, then sighed.  
“This better not be a _complete_ disaster,” she told him. “I know it’s going to be a bit of a disaster, but if we can avoid it being the worst night in existence, that’d be great.”  
“No promises.”  
She steeled herself, then started walking.

-*-

Okay, so, complete disaster?  
Thy name is Darcy Lewis and her stupid, stupid, STUPID, plan.

Darcy cursed every god she could think of (yes, even Thor) as she locked herself in a toilet stall, trying not to hyperventilate.  
The popular girls? Still popular.  
The weird kids? Still weird.  
The assholes? _Still assholes_.

And Darcy Lewis? Still a complete and utter mess when around these people.

Steve, bless his cotton socks, was trying.  
Lord, was he trying.  
It wasn’t his fault he was stiff as a board, deeply awkward, and continuously in his own world.  
He kept forgetting to pay her proper boyfriend attention, never put his arm around her, and was generally monosyllabic.  
She’d tried to keep it up for as long as possible, but the night had barely started and it was already a disaster.  
She got one look at _those _girls, the three who had made her life absolute hell from kindy through to graduation, and ran.

The bathroom was her haven for the rest of the night, she decided.  
It was quite nice, all things considered.  
Even had little mints by the sink.  
She could set up here for the next… Jesus, six hours until it ended.  
Yes, she decided, she’d just send Steve a message to tell him not to wait up, then hide in here for the remainder of the event, eating mints and tweeting about the absolute disaster that is her life.  
On her private twitter, of course.  
The one only certain friends could follow.  
Not even Jane or Tony had access to it.  
Yes, this was a fine plan.  
Absolutely fine.  
Darcy sighed heavily.

Reunion: 1, Darcy: 0

-*-

Steve, to his credit, was trying.  
Really, really trying.  
He just… didn’t know what to do.  
Not really.  
He’d faked being a boyfriend on missions, being a husband even.  
He’d been to so many formal events that this was barely a blip on his radar.  
The Face of the Avengers, he was - which was really just a nice way of saying that he could sit through boring events without getting impatient (like Nat), rude (like Tony), leaving (like Bruce or Bucky), or being loud and causing issues (like Thor… or Tony, again).  
This however, was a bit out of his depth.  
For starters, this wasn’t a mission.  
There were no parameters, no carefully constructed lies or specific lines he could not cross.  
Give him a battle and he could think on his feet, come up with a strategy, fight to the end.  
Give him a pretty girl and an event she was invested in?  
He was in over his head.

He was trying, hard, not to think about how useless he was being, as he fetched drinks for himself and Darcy.  
Standing at the bar, he waited for the people ahead of him to order.  
He surveyed the room, searching out his date, his _girlfriend_ for the evening.  
She’d disappeared, and he was sure it was his fault.  
He was a disaster.

“I just don’t know why she even bothered to show up,” one of the girls near him said loudly, pushing her hair out of her face. “She was a nobody then, and she’s a nobody now.”  
“But did you see who she was _with_?” her friend asked, eyes wide. “He was a god!”  
“How the hell little Darcy managed to find him is a complete wonder,” the first girl said, shaking her head. “Reckon she paid him?”  
“Britney, you are absolutely evil,” her friend said with a laugh. “Probably.”  
Britney grinned and Steve frowned at her.  
_Britney, who the fuck is Britney?  
_He shot a quick text to Thor asking about her, then listened as he waited for a response.  
“She’s still following Jane Foster around, at least that hasn’t changed,” Britney said with a sneer. “That’s so sad.”  
“Well, she never had any other friends to pester.”  
“I wonder how Jane puts up with her. Not that Jane’s much better.”  
“At least she didn’t gain as much weight. Did you see Darcy?”  
“Reckon she’s pregnant?”  
“As if!” Britney shrieked. “She’d have to get a man to stick around long enough to want to.”  
“Maybe that’s why the guy is with her? Knocked her up and now he’s stuck with her.”  
“How did she even convince him to _look_ at her?”  
“Luck? Alcohol?”  
“God, I’m so glad we came tonight. Honestly, Sam, this is the best thing we could have done with our evening.”  
“Told you it’d be worth it, just to see how much worse everyone is.”  
“Plus it’s so fun to see how nothing really has changed.”  
A third joined their group in line, Tamara as Darcy had pointed out to him before.  
Steve ordered his drinks, then turned back to watch them.  
“Okay, okay, okay. So did you guys see who Jane Foster is with?” Tamara was asking, practically shrieking.  
The bartender handed Steve his drinks and he paid for them, deciding then and there he was done listening to it.

He squared his shoulders, and headed out to one of the tables to wait for Darcy.

“Steve?” Jane called, reaching to grab his arm and get his attention.  
“Oh, hey Jane. What’s up?”  
“Britney. Thor told me you were asking about her?”  
“Yeah, who is she?”  
“A nightmare. The worst of the bunch.”  
Steve nodded, clenching his jaw.  
“Where’s Darcy?” Jane asked, voice like steel.  
“She ran off, I don’t know.”  
“I bet I know. Wait here, I’ll be back with her in a minute.”  
He nodded sharply, taking a drink as he watched the group of three women talk and laugh.

Jane returned a few minutes later, Darcy in tow.  
“I’m sorry Janey, I’m really sorry, I just don’t know if I can do this,” she was saying as she was pulled along.  
“I got you a drink,” Steve said, handing it to her. “Once you’re done, we can leave if you really want.”  
She smiled gratefully at him, downing half of it in one go.  
“I have to get back to Thor,” Jane told them, watching Darcy carefully. “If I don’t, he’ll do something stupid, like challenge someone to an arm wrestle.”  
“Of course, go for it.”  
“Seriously though, if you want to go, we can go.”  
“Seriously though, go hang out with your boyfriend and do your success lap. If I go, you don’t have to come. Have fun, I’m just being miserable and pathetic anyway.”  
“Only if you’re sure,” Jane said sincerely, hand on Darcy’s arm.  
“I’m sure. Go, get drunk and cause trouble with your boyfriend.”  
“Thanks Darce.”  
Jane pulled her into a hug, then disappeared into the crowd.

They sat in silence for a moment, then Steve nudged her with his elbow.  
“You okay there, Darcy?”  
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just saw some people I’d rather not see.”  
“Britney?” Steve guessed, correctly judging by the expression on Darcy’s face.  
“Yeah, Britney,” she said darkly, glaring at her drink.  
She sighed heavily, then finished it, slamming the empty on the table.  
“Okay, we can go,” he said softly. “Or I can get you another?”  
“I said I was organising your drinks from here on.”  
“I think that was only after I finished my stint as your boyfriend. We are still here, so I am still your boyfriend. And what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my best girl get her own drinks?”   
She laughed, then nodded.  
“Okay, one more.”  
“The line’s a bit long, how about something a bit stronger than wine? Make it worth my while.”  
“Vodka soda, please. God help me, make it a double.”  
“I can do that.”  
He gave her hand a reassuring pat, then headed to get drinks.

When he returned, a double vodka soda in one hand and a beer in the other, he saw Darcy sitting, surrounded.  
Britney and her friends had found her.

Peter had shown Steve a movie, a very particular movie.  
From then on, he referenced it constantly.  
Steve had never quite understood the reference until this exact moment.  
Because the second he saw Darcy, cornered by the very girls who had made high school hell for her, it clicked.  
Kill Bill sirens blared in his head.

“Hey doll, you all good?” he asked smoothly, sitting down next to her and putting their drinks on the table.  
He casually wrapped his arm around her shoulders then looked up at the girls standing before them.  
“Can we help you?”  
“Oh, hi, you must be Darcy’s date,” Britney said, smiling thinly.  
“Yeah, I’m Steve, her boyfriend. And you are?”  
“I’m Britney, this is Sam and that’s Tam.”  
“Nice to meet you all,” he said flatly.  
“They were just saying hi,” Darcy said, voice strained.  
“Just wanted to catch up,” Sam added.  
“Oh, were you guys friends?”  
“Of a sort,” Britney told him.  
“Funny, I don’t remember you mentioning them, Darce,” Steve said with a grin. “Mustn’t have been very close.”  
“They weren’t those sorts of friends,” Darcy told him, eyebrow raised as she grabbed her vodka soda.  
“That’s a shame, Darcy is dynamite,” he said to the three.  
“How do you guys know each other?” Tamara asked, leaning forward slightly. “You definitely didn’t go to Langley.”  
“Nah and that’s for the best. I was a scrawny teenager, she never would’ve looked twice at me.”  
“Steve,” Darcy said, hitting his chest playfully. “You know it was never about that.”  
“Wouldn’t have paid me any attention at all,” he said mournfully. “Not when I’m friends with people like Thor and Bucky. Especially Bucky. He used to get all the girls. I’m glad I got to you first.”  
Darcy snorted.  
“Bucky’s a lot, but he’s not my type. Don’t worry.”  
Steve turned back to the girls, grinning.  
“I work with Thor, Jane’s boyfriend. He introduced us.”  
“Set us up, really,” Darcy added. “Was quite a surprise to see Captain America standing before me.”  
“Not as surprised as I was. I’m glad he didn’t tell you, you might have said no otherwise.”  
Darcy laughed, loudly.  
“As if I could ever. Janey had to talk me down from a panic, was worried you would think I was a let down.”  
“Doll, you’re a lot of things, but never a let down.”  
The three were getting visibly uncomfortable at the exchange, glancing at each other as they watched.  
“Wait, is Jane really here with Thor? Jane Foster? Here? With Thor, the god of thunder?” Sam asked, awestruck.  
“I know he looks different without all the armour, but I promise you, that’s definitely him.”  
“So you’re really… I mean… seriously? You’re Captain America?”  
“Call me Steve,” he said easily, squeezing Darcy’s shoulder.  
“I have to go,” Tamara said faintly, before turning and fleeing.  
The other two looked at each other, before nodding and leaving too.

Darcy counted to three, then started laughing.  
“Oh my god, thank you,” she gasped out. “That was priceless.”  
“Sorry about before,” he said with a grin. “Just took me a minute to get my bearings. Now I’ve got my game face on and I am ready, more than ready, to fuck with some of these people.”  
“Steve, you’re my goddamn hero.”  
“Wanna do a victory lap? I have some ideas for stories we could tell.”  
“Alright, let’s do it.”

-*-

The stories that Darcy and Steve have told tonight, a list by Darcy Lewis (Darcy Rogers, if some of the stories are actually to be believed):

    1. Thor set them up because he thought they’d be cute together
    2. Thor set them up because she was whining about how no-one was worth her time and he decided that only Captain America was good enough for her
    3. Thor set them up but only because Steve begged him to
    4. Thor set Bucky and Darcy up, but it was a complete disaster and Steve rescued her
    5. Thor set Bucky and Darcy up, but Darcy wasn’t nearly as into it as Bucky was. Bucky and Steve are no longer talking
    6. He asked her out mid-mission because he was getting distracted thinking about her and needed to just ask so he could pay attention and not die
    7. He asked her out with a bouquet of roses and she refused because roses are passé 
    8. In fact, she turned him down fourteen times before she agreed to go on a date with him
    9. When they did go on their first date, Steve almost threw up he was so nervous
    10. They were engaged, Steve asked at the Eiffel Tower
    11. They were engaged, Steve asked mid-mission
    12. They were engaged, Steve asked while she was cooking dinner and she punched him in the face because she thought he was messing with her
    13. They weren’t engaged, but only because she wanted to wait until she had moved her way further up the corporate ladder and he was counting down the seconds
    14. They weren’t engaged because she kept turning him down (“The timing just isn’t right,” he said mournfully. “Plus I know I’ll never be good enough for her.”)
    15. They were married but it was a secret (wink wink)
    16. They were married in a quiet ceremony on a mountain and only the Avengers knew about it
    17. They were married in a very big but very under-publicised ceremony in New York. Everyone who was everyone came along. Tony made them all sign non-disclosure agreements 
    18. They were married for tax reasons but are considering having a proper ceremony later
    19. They’ve broken three beds since getting together
    20. They’ve also broken two of Tony’s work benches and one of Bucky’s couches
    21. Steve Rogers is hopelessly in love with Darcy Lewis

Out of it all, Darcy can’t believe people even think they’re together, let alone that he actually loves her.  
The idea that he asked her out or proposed to her and she turned him down?  
Preposterous.  
As if she’d ever be dumb enough to turn down the most perfect man she’d ever met.  
Absolutely ridiculous.

-*-

Steve laughed at something Jake said, a deep and full body laugh.  
Darcy smiled, trying to ignore the weird feeling in her stomach as he pressed her closer to him, hand on her waist.  
“God no,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m definitely the lucky one here. She’s brilliant. Smarter than me for sure, and much, much cooler.”  
“That’s a lie,” she said primly, taking a sip from her drink.  
“It’s not,” Steve said to Jake, pinching Darcy’s side.  
She squeaked and he grinned.  
“Tell him the story, doll. Tell him how you met Thor.”  
“Okay,” she said, rolling her eyes. “So, he was the first one I met. Janey and I were together, out looking at the sky for her research. Tracing… something, god I can’t even remember. But the point is, we were in the middle of nowhere, in this crappy old RV, when suddenly the sky lights up.”

-*-

Jane Foster was having a good night.  
A great night, even.  
Far better than she expected.

Thor had been much more excited about the whole thing than she had, practically begging her to take him so he could see what it was all about.  
The fact that she’d grown into her lankiness and become a pretty successful physicist?  
The fact that she was dating an alien god who was incredibly handsome and famous?  
That was all just a bonus.  
The real point of tonight was Thor.  
Watching him interact with regular people, make friends, generally have fun; that was the good stuff right there.  
Getting Darcy to take a victory lap was also something she enjoyed watching immensely.  
Especially once she and Steve had worked it all out.

The lies she bore witness to, heard people whisper.  
The absolute lies.  
Gold.

She might be going mad with power, but who wasn’t at these things?

A group of girls had found her at some point, surrounding her to talk about what had changed since high school.  
“Is that really Thor?” someone, Patty or Maddy or something, was asking.  
“Yeah, it really is.”  
“How do you know him?” Patty or Maddy asked with wide eyes.  
“I hit him with my car.”  
Her mouth dropped open, and Jane grinned.  
“Oh, do you want to see a trick?”  
“Sure?”  
“You know how Thor can summon his hammer? I can do the same thing, but with wine.”  
“What? How? Is that a dating him perk?”  
“Of a sort,” she said coyly.  
She made eye contact with Thor, currently talking football with one of the boys she couldn’t remember, and held her hand out.  
Moments later he appeared at her side as if summoned, placing a fresh glass of wine in her hand and kissing her cheek.  
“There you go, beloved. I hope you enjoy it.”  
Then he was off, back to talk to the guy loudly about the Cowboys.  
The groups collectively gasped.  
“Oh my god,” one girl cried.  
“That’s absolutely magical,” Patty or Maddy said.  
“That’s absolutely _dangerous_,” one of the others amended. “If I could do that, I’d be passed out in an hour.”

Okay, Jane amended, she was _definitely _going mad with power.

Steve found them later, clapping Thor’s shoulder and requesting a drink.  
Thor laughed, loudly, then pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket.  
Carefully he topped up Steve’s whisky with the golden liquid.  
“My, my, my,” Jane said loudly. “What ever are you boys doing?”  
Thor started, then looked at her, guilt etched all over his face.  
“Nothing, my love.”  
“Is that Asgardian?”  
Thor opened his mouth to respond, shut it, opened it again, then sighed.  
“Yeah, it is,” Darcy said, appearing beside him. “They can’t get drunk on beer Janey.”  
“I know that, I just thought he was going it sober.”  
Her cheeks were dusted with pink, and she was unsteady as she said it.  
“Jane, I love you, but there is no way I would ever be sober at an event like this,” Darcy said with a grin. “Especially not as a plus one.”  
“Yeah, it’d be pretty rough if I were sober,” Steve agreed.  
“Give me some,” Jane said suddenly, staring down Thor.  
He looked more panicked, if possible, and immediately clutched the flask to his chest.  
Steve moved to stand behind Darcy, placing a hand on her waist.  
“We should go,” he said quietly, directly into her ear, and she nodded.  
She quickly moved, darting sideways and into the crowd, pulling him along behind her.

“AHA!” Jane cried behind them, and Darcy shook her head.  
“Ignore it, not our problem, not our problem, not our fucking problem.”  
Steve laughed, tugging on her hand.  
“Dance with me?”  
Her face split into a grin and she let him lead her out onto the dance floor.

-*-

Jane made it another hour after stealing some of the Asgardian alcohol, far longer than any of them expected.  
She was famous in their friend group for being the first to bed, a lightweight above all other lightweights.  
Somehow, she stuck it out almost to the end of the night.

Then she started to sway while standing, and Thor called it a night for them both.  
He ushered her out the door, hand on her waist.  
“Wait,” she cried. “Wait, wait, wait. Where’s Darcy? We gotta tell Darcy.”  
“She’s dancing.”  
Jane snorted.  
“She never dances with me.”  
Thor chose not to answer, leading her to Darcy.  
“Darce, hello, we are leaving now,” she said, loudly whispering. “I hope you have had a very good night because I have had a very good night.”  
“Hey Janey, yeah it’s been good. Go to bed, I’ll see you when I get back to the hotel.”  
“Okay!”  
Thor grabbed Steve’s arm lightly, leaning in to tell him something.  
Jane took advantage of the distraction to whisper “I’m gonna ride him like a fucking pony”.  
Darcy blanched.  
“You are not allowed to say that to me ever again,” she whispered back furiously. “How dare you make me think about you having sex, you drunken nightmare!”  
Jane giggled, rubbing her face with her hand.  
“Take her to bed,” Darcy said loudly to Thor, then paled. “Put her to bed. To sleep. She needs to sleep. Right now.”  
“She’s in good hands, sister Darcy,” Thor announced.  
“She really is,” Jane whispered, and Darcy blanched again.  
“Good night, get back safe,” Steve said, pushing Thor lightly towards the door.  
Together they watched them go, Thor stumbling almost as much as Jane.  
“What did Thor say to you?” Darcy asked once they were out the door.  
“To make sure you get home safe. What did Jane say to you?”  
“That she’s gonna ride Thor like a pony.”  
Steve barked out a laugh, shaking his head.  
“He’s almost as wasted as she is, I’ll be surprised if they even make it back.”  
“Good thing Tony organised a car,” Darcy said with a grin. “Or else we’d all be in the shit.”  
“God knows I’m not as sober as I look.”  
“Me either Steve, me either. Speaking of, another drink?”  
Steve held up the flask he’d stolen from Thor’s jacket.  
“Absolutely.”

-*-

The stories that Darcy and Steve have told tonight that Darcy might be starting to believe, a list by Darcy Lewis:

    1. Steve Rogers is the best person Darcy has ever met
    2. Steve Rogers is the most handsome person Darcy has ever met
    3. Steve Rogers is way too good for Darcy
    4. Darcy is hopelessly into Steve Rogers

-*-

Some facts Darcy knows to be absolutely true (at least at the time of the list being made, 12:04am, Sunday):

    1. The reunion has been markedly more fun than it had any right to be
    2. Steve is most of the reason for that, and a little bit Jane and Thor
    3. Jane and Thor absolutely made it back to the hotel room and absolutely had sex (Jane needs to learn to turn her phone off when she drinks, because a “i did it i rode him” message is not fun to receive)
    4. Steve Rogers is a diabolical liar, who enjoys making up stories and having fun at other people’s expense. He has hit troll level
    5. He is also really fun. In fact, like the reunion, far more fun than he has any right to be
    6. She has always known this, she’s just been ignoring it. Acknowledging it makes it real
    7. That’s why she also will never acknowledge she’s had a teeny crush on Captain America since she was a kid
    8. Or that he’s even better in person than she could have imagined
    9. And she’s really enjoyed pretending to be his girlfriend
    10. Oh god, she is in way over her head
    11. Way, way over her head
    12. Fuck, the song just changed to a slow dance. Do they dance or do they go or…?

-*-

A list of things Darcy is currently ignoring as she mentally composes this list of things she is ignoring:

    1. Steve Rogers is the prettiest man she’s ever met
    2. He is the most charming and sweet man too
    3. He asked her to slow dance with him
    4. He also asked in the nicest possible way, giving her an out, like the kind and beautiful gentleman he is
    5. He also also has his HAND on her WAIST and she is resting her CHEEK against his CHEST
    6. His GODLIKE CHEST
    7. Does she have a brain? She might not, honestly. This was the stupidest idea she’s ever had
    8. Of course her crush wouldn’t go away if she went to an event with him and _pretended to be his girlfriend_
    9. She will snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity, in approximately 53 minutes when they all get kicked out and have to go home
    10. Oh wait, no, she’ll get a bonus 20 minutes of the ride home where she can pretend they’re friends too, rather than coworkers
    11. His coworker, who he got roped into playing pretend with for the night
    12. God, he must think she’s pathetic
    13. But at least he’s been a good sport about it
    14. She should thank him for that
    15. And definitely NOT tell him about her ultimately doomed and definitely pathetic crush on him
    16. Also she needs to pay her phone bill tomorrow

-*-

The song ends, the glasses start getting cleared, and Darcy Lewis has a problem.  
A big problem.  
An invasive and irritating problem, that she has successfully ignored for the better part of a year.  
Her crush on Steven Grant Rogers, Captain America.  
She wrote an essay about him in high school, for christ’s sake.  
Oh god, what if someone remembered that?!  
Wait, no, that would require anyone to have paid attention to her beyond fat jokes, divorce jokes, jokes about her glasses and braces, and comments about daddy issues.  
Thank god, there’s one small saving grace.

Steve went to get them each another drink, Darcy doubling down on vodka and demanding as much as she can legally have in a glass.  
Bless him, he complied, returning with a triple shot vodka soda, watching her warily as she downed it.  
“Don’t worry,” she said dismissively. “I’m not Jane, I can handle a lot more than this. Used to down a whole bottle at college. And that was just on a Tuesday.”  
“I shudder to think about how much that cost you on a night out.”  
“You’re the one paying tonight; imagine that but doubled.”  
He grimaced, then laughed.  
“You’re a lot more fun than you give yourself credit for, doll.”  


Darcy downed her entire drink, pulled a face, and her world started to tilt.  
“Oh no,” she said quietly to herself. “That was the tipping point.”

-*-

They danced to a few more songs, drank a few more drinks, made up a few more outlandish lies (“she beat me in a sparring match, and it was love”; “did you know she headed the team to find Bucky and break his programming?”), and decided to head back to the hotel.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, scuffing her shoes on the ground as they wait for a cab.  
“You’re very welcome.”  
He reached for her hand, entwining his fingers with hers.  
“It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be,” she admitted. “That’s mostly because of you though.”  
“Happy to help.”  
She grinned at him, face flushed from alcohol and eyes slightly glassy.  
“That last drink… or two… or more… They were too much, I think,” she said, frowning. “I can’t focus on your face properly.  
“Me either,” Steve admitted. “Shouldn’t have finished the flask.”  
“Steve! That was so much!”  
“Yeah, way too much.”  
He laughed and she joined in, hailing the cab when it appeared.

She climbed in, almost falling, and slid over so he could join her.  
He elbowed her when he joined her, apologising profusely.  
“All good, Steve,” she said, waving her hand at him, then gave the address to the driver.

-*-

Steve had made it the whole night without anything going too completely wrong, especially after it all clicked into place.  
It hindsight, it was only a matter of time before his Chronic Foot in Mouth Disease kicked in.  
At least they’d gotten through most of the night before it did.

They headed back to the hotel, talking absolute rot (as his mother would say) and discussing which of their lies was their favourite.  
He was a big fan of “she turned me down over ten times before agreeing to one date”, whereas she liked “Steve and Bucky are no longer friends because they both were in love with me and Steve was the one I went with”.  
“As if you and Bucky would ever stop being friends over a girl,” she said with a laugh. “Especially me.”  
“We’ve had some stupid fights in our time, but yeah, maybe not over a girl. Our friendship is stronger than that.”  
“Going on a century, from what I hear.”  
“Something like that. Besides, he always gets the girl, so if we were gonna stop being friends over a girl, it would’ve happened many many years ago.”  
“Does he?”  
“Always has, probably always will. Although, he’s not here tonight, so I guess I win this one by default.”  
She laughed shortly, scrunching up her face.  
“You had no idea what you were getting into, did you?” she asked, voice odd and quiet.  
“I knew you needed a date, no idea why or what for though."  
He shrugged, turning to watch the road as they drove.  
“Well, thanks for agreeing anyway.”  
“I’m being paid in free drinks and a puppy, no complaints here.”  
She stilled slightly.  
“Although, alcohol ain’t much good to me and I can’t keep a dog at the compound,” he told her, voice dry as he continued to look out the window.  
“Maybe you should’ve gone for a better deal,” she said, face twisting.  
“Yeah, I’ll remember that next time I get kidnapped to be someone’s date,” he replied with a snort. “We’re back, thank god. I can get out of this goddamn suit.”

The cab pulled to a stop, Darcy unbuckling her seat belt and shooting out of the cab.  
Steve paid the driver, then joined her, standing on the curb.

“You know, if it was such a chore, you could have left,” she said unevenly, refusing to look at him. “You didn’t have to stay.”  
Steve stopped dead, watching her with confusion.  
“I thought you were having fun, god I'm stupid. Don’t worry, I’ll never ask it of you again.”  
Then she was off, storming into the lobby and up the elevator.

“God fucking dammit, Steve,” he said out loud, looking at the sky. “Why are you like this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I really like writing lists, who'd have thought?
> 
> I hope Darcy comes across well in my story - she's so good and so much fun, but sometimes you gotta teeter at the edge of a meltdown when things get hard, even though she's seriously the biggest BAMF
> 
> Chapter updates will not be daily but will be pretty frequent till it's done (maybe four chapters and an epilogue? Not sure yet)  
I just was on a roll yesterday and got this entire chapter written up pretty quickly
> 
> (We don't beta or proofread in my house. Here, we die like men, praying that we managed to write the correct words in the correct order)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexiling, Greasy burgers, and unsubtle reactions, oh my!
> 
> Or: The list should really be titled “Reasons Darcy is about to start crying in the middle of a hotel hallway at 1:36am on a Sunday”

Half an hour.  
Half an hour he paced his room, unable to sleep or even sit still.

He knew it was half an hour because he counted every second.  
Six minutes spent trying to figure out where he went wrong.  
Thirteen minutes spent berating himself once he’d figured it out.  
Eight minutes spent deciding whether it was worth bothering Darcy to go and apologise or if that’d make it worse.  
Three minutes spent staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and telling himself to grow up.

“You’re a fucking idiot. An absolute shit for brains,” he said to himself and he put his shoes back on and grabbed his jacket. “Sort your head out.”

-*-

A list of reasons Darcy is angry as she sits on the floor beside the door to her room:

    1. Steve Rogers is still the prettiest man she’s ever met
    2. And she is still pathetic, surprising no-one
    3. He didn’t want to come and didn’t enjoy it
    4. Even though it looked like maybe he did
    5. But evidently he did not
    6. She is far too drunk to deal with anything
    7. Let alone the noises coming from the room
    8. Especially because she is feeling pathetic and needs a hug
    9. It’s cold and the ground is uncomfortable
    10. But not as uncomfortable as her shoes
    11. God everything is uncomfortable
    12. Thor and Jane are going to ask how it went in the morning and she’s going to have to deal with recounting the whole goddamn nightmare
    13. Thor might even make a scene with Steve
    14. Oh god, Thor might make a scene with her
    15. Steve deserved better than how she spoke to him and it’s not his fault she got too into it
    16. Fuck. FUCK! 
    17. God fucking dammit, she has to apologise to him
    18. As if everything else wasn’t embarrassing enough, now she has to apologise to him for reading into it then getting mad
    19. He was perfectly within his right to hate the whole ordeal and she got mad at him like it was his fault the whole thing sucked
    20. Of course it sucked, high school sucked and so did the reunion and of course he hated it
    21. Darcy is maybe a little bit in love with Steve Rogers
    22. More than a little
    23. A lot, probably
    24. And he will never want to speak to her again
    25. Everything is a nightmare and Darcy is exhausted and drunk and sad
    26. It’s been 23 minutes since she got back and Thor and Jane don't sound like they’re stopping any time soon
    27. The list should really be titled “Reasons Darcy is about to start crying in the middle of a hotel hallway at 1:36am on a Sunday”

-*-

A list of reasons Darcy is actually grateful and should stop complaining:

    1. She got to show off to her cohort and be successful and hot
    2. The dress made her ass look fantastic and her boobs look, in Jane’s words, magnificent and plush
    3. Thor and Jane had so much fun and they deserve that
    4. They deserve each other and they have that! That’s great! Even if Darcy never ever ever wants to know about their sex life, let alone _hear_ it
    5. Speaking of sex lives, even though her real one is barren, Darcy’s pretend sex life is wild and there was a really pure kind of joy from hearing Steve say “we broke two beds in the span of a week”
    6. And the way they all looked at her, somewhere between awe and jealousy, as he said it
    7. She actually did have a good time, up until they left
    8. Even though they’ll all figure out it was a ruse in a few weeks anyway, it was really fun to shut up all those awful people (especially Britney) 
    9. She got to spend a night with Steve and it was really fun, as long as you ignore the ending
    10. She has a good job and great friends. She has a killer apartment and her wardrobe is overflowing with brilliant clothes. She grew into her body and face. She works with the fucking _Avengers_ and tells Thor, the God of Thunder (!!!), what to do on a regular basis. Her life is great. So great. Just because she had one shit night doesn’t mean she needs to have a meltdown about it. Even if the floor is really uncomfortable and her back hurts

-*-

Steve found Darcy sitting outside her room, looking murderous.  
Her arms were crossed and her legs were splayed out in front of her as she leant against the wall.  
“Hey, I came to…” he started, before realising. “Are you okay?”  
“There’s a sock on the door,” she said flatly.  
“I… I have no idea what that means,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.  
“Y’know, they uhh, sexiled me.”  
“Sexiled?”  
“Christ, they-” Darcy started, but stopped when she heard the sounds from the room.  
Moaning.  
Loud moaning.  
“Oh. Oh!” Steve said, blushing furiously. “Ohhh, okay, I… shit, that sucks.”  
“Yeah, this’ll be round three. And I have nowhere else to go, so here I am. This is college all over again.”  
Her face scrunched up and she drew her arms tighter against her.  
“Do you want food?” he asked suddenly.  
“What?"  
“Food? Let’s go get a burger or something.”  
“Anything is better than here,” she said, standing. “Let’s go.”

-*-

The diner was a hole in the wall, a 24 hour place with tacky neon signage and big leather booths.  
Something that would not look out of place in Grease, Darcy decided when they sat down.  
“Anything you want,” Steve told her. “My shout.”  
She raised her eyebrows at him, but didn’t say anything.  
When it came time to order, she got a burger, waffles, a milkshake, and a side of fries.  
She glared at Steve, challenging him, but he just nodded and said “same for me”.

Darcy had made an honest effort of it, demolishing the burger and getting a fair way into the waffles, before having to give in.  
Steve ate her leftovers without a word.

“I wanted to apologise,” he said, when they’d eaten.  
She stirred her milkshake with the straw and frowned at him.  
“So, I guess, here goes. I’m sorry. I’m a dick and I didn’t mean it like that. I had a really good time tonight, and I really enjoyed hanging out with you. I’m glad I came. I was an absolute shit head. Please invite me to any event, I would love to be your plus one again, if you’ll have me.”  
She regarded him seriously, eyes narrowed.  
Finally, she nodded.  
“I’ll have you. I’m sorry too, I have a feeling I overreacted.”  
Steve shrugged, finishing the last of the chips.  
“Not really. I have a permanent issue with putting my foot in my mouth, I deserved that.”  
“Well, thank you for apologising. And for dinner. Or is this breakfast? Who even knows.”  
“The sun isn’t up, so it’s dinner,” he said with a grin.

-*-

They chatted, wandering aimlessly through the streets as they rambled about their lives and family.  
Steve gave her his jacket, citing super soldier serum as the reason he kept warm, and she took it gratefully.  
It was much too big on her and she danced around with a laugh, sleeves whipping around as she moved.

The sun started to rise, and Darcy yawned.  
“Do you want to come back to my room?” Steve asked.  
“One apology does not a sleepover make,” she said sternly, waving a jacket sleeve at him.  
“No! Not like that,” he clarified. “I just meant, do you want to stay with me until they stop having sex. Or because I know for a fact that Thor snores like a freight train when he’s had a few drinks. I have a couch.”  
She raised her eyebrows at him.  
“Not for you, you can take the bed, I’ll take the couch.”  
“That actually sounds really good,” she said eventually, yawning again. “I’m exhausted and he does snore really badly. Earplugs don’t help, trust me.”  
“Don’t know how Jane puts up with it.”  
“She snores too.”  
Steve laughed, surprised, then they started heading back to the hotel.

-*-

“Steve, problem.”  
“What?”  
“I don’t have pyjamas. And I’m not sleeping in this dress, it’s actually really uncomfortable.”  
Steve paused, thinking hard.  
“You can take my sleep shirt, if you want? It’ll be pretty big on you, but I don’t need it, and it’s really comfy.”  
“That would be awesome, thank you.  
“I’ll get changed out here,” he said, handing the shirt to her. “You can take the bathroom.”  
“Hero! Thanks.”

Darcy changed slowly.  
Her drunkenness had given way to a cloudy head as she sobered up, and she was unsteady as she unzipped her dress and stepped out of it.  
She pulled Steve’s shirt on, realised it was inside out, took it off, and put it back on the right way around.  
Then she turned to look in the mirror and almost screamed.

Her lipstick had long since flaked off, leaving a ring around the edge her lips.  
Her mascara and wings had smudged down under her eyes and she looked like a racoon.  
Her hair… well, the less said about that the better.  
In short, she looked a hot mess.  
Emphasis on the mess.

Darcy gaped at her reflection for a few moments, then rushed to grab some toilet paper, wetting it and using it to remove as much makeup as she could.  
The toilet paper disintegrated in her hands and she managed to bite back a curse as she dug around the bathroom.  
Eventually she found a face washer and set about cleaning her face.

-*-

Things Steve is thinking about while he waits for Darcy to get changed:

    1. He hopes the shirt is good enough
    2. And long enough that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable
    3. Although he wouldn’t mind if it was short
    4. Urgh, gross, he needs to not be like that
    5. She’s here because she has nowhere else to go and he needs to remember that
    6. Oh shit, he hasn’t looked at his phone in hours, hopefully no-one needed him
    7. Fuck, where did he put his phone?
    8. Why did he put it in the kitchenette? That makes no sense
    9. Okay, no messages of importance, just a heap from Tony, all asking about Darcy
    10. Why does Tony insist on using eight emojis per message (on average)
    11. Yes, Steve did take the time to figure it out, it’s fascinating to him
    12. He wonders if Darcy uses emojis a lot
    13. She probably would, she seems the type
    14. Not in a mean way
    15. She just does
    16. She’s funny and silly, she probably uses them to great effect
    17. Maybe there’s something good on TV
    18. The news is on
    19. There’s nothing happening in the world that is keeping him interested, which makes him feel callous, but he can’t really be expected to pay attention to the news when there’s a pretty girl in his room
    20. Not just a pretty girl, _Darcy Lewis_
    21. Speaking of, she’s taking her time
    22. Is she okay?
    23. He should go check on her

-*-

Darcy smiled, satisfied, at the mirror.  
She collected her dress and shoes and yanked open the bathroom door.  
Right behind it, hand raised as if to knock, Steve stood.  
Steve stood _shirtless_.

Darcy yelped in surprise, dropping her stuff and stepping back.  
“Oh shit, sorry!” Steve cried, taking a half step forward. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She didn’t look up, eyes glued to his pecs.  
His perfect, godly, gorgeous pecs that look like they were created in a lab.  
Hmmm… in hindsight, they were created in a lab.  
Darcy filed that away to consider later.  
In the meantime, his chest was directly in her face, mere inches away.  
Her hand raised, unbidden, and she reached as if to touch him.  
Then she realised what she was doing, dropping her hand and looking up at him with a gulp.

“I get that a lot,” he said with a smirk, raising an eyebrow at her.  
Her eyes were wide, her hand twitching as if it wanted to grab at him.  
“A lot?” she asked quietly.  
“Every so often. You’re definitely not the first.”  
Her lips twitched, a smile slowly growing.  
“Who was?”  
“Peggy.”  
“Always knew she was smart,” Darcy said wryly, and he laughed loudly.  
A blush dusted his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly aware of how close they were standing.  
He went to take a step back and Darcy muttered “fuck it”.  
She moved quickly, pushing up onto her tiptoes.  
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.  
Kissed him.  
_Kissed him_.

Steve short circuited, brain a mess of thoughts and feelings.  
By the time he knew what was happening, she’d pulled away.  
Something like regret flashed on her face.

Once he got his bearings again, he grinned.  
“Give me warning, next time,” he told her, voice low as he reached for her hips.  
He pulled her against him and she squeaked.  
“Come here, doll.”

-*-

Things Darcy is definitely NOT thinking about while several of her dreams (and daydreams) come true:

    1. Steve Rogers is absolutely still the prettiest man she’s ever met
    2. And also the hottest
    3. And also very strong
    4. Strong enough to lift her
    5. And carry her
    6. Duly noted
    7. The sheets are incredibly nice
    8. Like, must have cost a lot of money kind of nice
    9. She bets Tony has sheets that are nice like this
    10. Yuck
    11. She’s meant to be not-thinking
    12. She absolutely can NOT not-think about Tony
    13. Wait…
    14. She’s confused herself
    15. You know who’s not confused?
    16. Steve
    17. Steve knows exactly what he’s doing
    18. …

Darcy’s_brain.exe has stopped working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am not dead, just busy!  
Sorry for the delay, I should be faster with the next one 
> 
> Also I have decided upon another chapter and an epilogue of sorts!
> 
> I hope ya'll have been enjoying the story and assortments of lists <3 I appreciated every one of you


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after or: Thor is trying his best and Jane is suspicious

Darcy woke the next morning to blaring sun, a headache, and the sound of her phone going off.  
Groggily, she reached over Steve to get her phone from the side table.  
Five texts from Jane and two missed calls.

[6:48] Find somewhere else to sleep? ;)  
[7:11] Where’d you end up? You all good?  
[7:36] Hey, Darcy, shoot me a message when you ’re awake, I’m worried about you <3  
[8:04] Darce, please just let me know you’re okay  
[8:05] You never made it back to the room

Darcy squinted as she typed a response.

[8:07] all g

The reply was immediate.

[8:07] GOOD YOU WORRIED ME  
[8:08] Thor and I are going for breakfast, meet you there in 10?

“Fuck me,” Darcy groaned, burying her face in the pillow.  
“All good, doll?” Steve asked, eyes still closed.  
“Jane wants to meet for breakfast. In ten minutes.”  
“Tell her she’s insane.”  
“I would, but it wouldn’t do any good.”  
“Skip it?”  
“Can’t, she’d freak out. Come on, you should get up too.”  
“No.”  
“Thor will message you in the next three minutes, guaranteed.”  
Steve shook his head, rolling over to wrap his arm around her and bury his face in her neck.

His phone lit up on the side table, loudly chiming.  
He grabbed at it blindly, eventually picking it up.  
With a grimace, he held it out for Darcy to see.

[8:11] we are going to breakfast very soon. please join us. you would be most welcome. also it is a buffet and i am told they are very enjoyable. your friend thor.

“Why does he text like that?” Darcy asked, groaning again.  
“I have no idea and I’m too scared to try and teach him otherwise.”  
“Fair. I spent at least a week teaching him how to text at all, so I guess I should be grateful it’s at least semi-readable.”  
Steve made a sound that could’ve been him agreeing, then shoved his phone back on the table.  
He rolled over, returning to cuddling Darcy, hand running up and down her arm slowly.  
“As wonderful as this is,” she said, pulling away slightly. “We really have to get up.”  
“Okay, fine,” he sighed. “Do you want first shower?”  
“How about you shower here, and I’ll run back to my room to shower and get a change of clothes.”  
“I guess wearing the dress to breakfast isn’t the smartest move.”  
“It’s either that or your shirt, which could be a dress if I really wanted it to be.”  
He grinned lazily.  
“You could definitely wear that, if you wanted.”  
“Alas, Jane would immediately know that something was up, then it’d turn into an inquisition.”  
She sat up, staring down at him with a soft smile.  
Carefully, she brushed his hair out of his face.  
“This was fun, but probably not something to discuss over breakfast. Jane will want a full play by play and that can wait until we’re back home.”  
“What’re the chances of it happening again?” he asked, catching her wrist in his hand and pressing a kiss to her palm.  
“Depends, what’re the chances of you being my plus one again?”  
She raised her eyebrow at him and he laughed.  
“You call, I’m there.”  
“What if I don’t _need _a plus one?”  
“You never do, not really. Didn’t even need me last night. But if you want one, like I said, I’m there.”  
“What if I’m not asking about you being a plus one?”  
“Same answer.”  
“What if I’m talking about a date?”  
“Time and place, sweetheart. Name it, I’m there.”  
Her smile grew into a grin and he tugged on her wrist, pulling her back down so he could kiss her.  
“I quite like you, Darcy Lewis. Think there might be something here worth doing.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”  
“Well this was easier than I expected,” she said with a laugh, moving to sit up again.  
“What _were_ you expecting?”  
“Something more along the lines of ‘wow I wish that didn’t happen’ or ‘this has been fun but please leave the country and never speak to me again’. You know, standard post-sex stuff.”  
He laughed, loudly, sitting up beside her.  
“You’re a lot of things, Darcy Lewis. I just never thought stupid was one of them.”  
She smacked his chest lightly then reluctantly stood.  
“Seriously, we have to run or Jane will start calling and worrying again.”  
“Want me to give you a few minutes head start?”  
“Please.”  
She collected her things, kissed him goodbye, then ran for her room.

Okay, so, all things considered?  
Steve’s life was going pretty well, a definite upswing in the past 18 hours.

  


-*-

  


Things Darcy needs to do to get even remotely presentable for breakfast:

    1. Shower. A lot
    2. Wash her hair too
    3. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    4. Wash her face again, she can feel the zits waiting to pop up even though she got all her make up off
    5. Reapply make up to make her look more together and like she got more than two hours of sleep
    6. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    7. Locate her clothes for the day
    8. Semi-pack so she doesn’t forget her hairbrush or phone charger
    9. Do a happy dance in the privacy of her room
    10. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    11. Message Jane not to worry, she’ll be there soon
    12. Message Steve when she leaves the room so he knows when to head down
    13. Dry her hair
    14. Try to wrangle it into a presentable style
    15. Give up
    16. Clip it up so she doesn’t have to think about it being a bird’s nest
    17. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    18. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    19. WIPE THE STUPID SMILE OFF HER FACE
    20. Fuck, find her shirt, which she swore was in her overnight bag but has apparently disappeared
    21. Do a final spot check of herself to make sure she looks normal and not like she just left Steve’s room
    22. Put her shirt on the right way around after almost wearing it out of the room inside out
    23. Wipe the stupid smile off her face
    24. Shit, did she text Steve?
    25. Text Steve while she waits for the lift
    26. Take a deep breath
    27. For god’s sake Darcy, you’re a grown ass woman, wipe that stupid fucking smile off your face!

  


-*-

  


The hotel restaurant was full enough that Darcy couldn’t find Jane straight away.  
She did spot Thor however, who was grinning at the buffet like it was a dream come true, piling three plates up with bacon and eggs.  
She grinned at him as he pointed towards their table.

Jane was sat hunched with a cup of coffee, hands wrapped around it and face sour.  
“Morning Janey, how you doing?”  
“I want to die.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“This hangover, Darcy… I’m in hell,” Jane lamented, looking up at Darcy with a pout.  
“Your own fault. You were so wasted when you left.”  
“We also barely slept, so I’m not a happy camper.”  
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.”  
Jane stuck her tongue out at Darcy, then paused.  
“You… you had sex.”  
She said it flatly, like it was a known fact.  
Darcy choked on air.  
“What… What the… What?”  
“Oh come on,” Jane said loudly, rolling her eyes then wincing. “It’s obvious.”  
“How the fuck did you come to that conclusion?”  
“I can always tell.”  
“_How_?"  
“You only do your hair up like that when you’ve gotten laid.”  
Darcy threw herself into one of the seats, groaning.  
“You’re ridiculous.”

Jane seemed content to let it go, and Darcy pulled her hair out of the clip defiantly.

  


-*-

  


Things Darcy definitely does NOT do post-sex:

    1. Clip her hair up like that

  


-*-

  


Things Darcy is having a crisis about:

    1. Does she clip her hair up like that after she’s gotten laid?
    2. She doesn’t
    3. Absolutely not, that’s ridiculous
    4. Although…
    5. No, it’s definitely not true
    6. But…
    7. Shit
    8. She totally does
    9. And Jane totally knows
    10. Why the fuck does she know that?
    11. Jane can’t remember what she had for breakfast most days!
    12. How does she remember that?!
    13. It’s not like Darcy gets laid that regularly
    14. Definitely not regularly enough to remember a pattern
    15. Although, when she was seeing Ian for that brief time…
    16. Oh Jesus Christ.

  


-*-

  


Steve joined them shortly after the revelation, sitting down with the newspaper and nodding at them both.  
“Morning.”  
“Morning,” Darcy said faintly.  
“Good morning Steve,” Jane said with a smirk. “How was your night?”  
“It was good.”  
“I am glad!” Thor said, appearing behind Jane and making her jump.  
“Jesus!” she cried.  
“No, just Thor,” he said smugly.  
He sat down next to her, spreading out his plates.  
Jane pulled one towards her, ignoring his hurt expression.  
“I’m hungry,” she explained, waving her hand vaguely at him.

“We were worried,” Thor said after he’d finished a plate. “It is good to see you are safe, sister Darcy. Where did you stay last night?”  
“She stayed with me,” Steve said, still reading the paper.  
Jane stilled, eyes widening.  
Her fork was halfway to her mouth as she turned to look at Darcy.  
Darcy was suddenly very (suspiciously) interested in the buffet.  
“Oh, that’s good. Did you sleep well, Darcy?” Thor asked.  
“Yeah, the couch was comfy.”  
“Steven! You let Darcy sleep on the couch?"  
“Oh no, no,” Steve said quickly. “She means the bed was comfy, I took the couch.”  
“Yepperoonies,” Darcy agreed, still staring at the buffet and ignoring Jane.

There was a pause, then Jane leapt to her feet.  
“Hey Darcy, I’m gonna get more coffee. Wanna join me?”  
“Not particularly.”  
“Hey Darcy. Join me getting coffee."  
Darcy chanced a look at Steve, who was smiling sympathetically.  
“Yeah, okay,” she relented, standing slowly.

The two girls headed to the coffee machine quickly, talking in heated whispers.

“So, Steven.”  
“Just Steve,” he corrected absentmindedly, watching as Jane gestured wildly at Darcy.  
“Did you have fun last night?”  
“Yeah, I did,” he said, turning to look at Thor properly. “Much more than I expected.”  
“Isn’t Darcy wonderful? She is smart and kind, and has a true warrior’s spirit.”  
“She is.”  
“I think you would be great friends if you spent more time together. Truly, you would get along very well. It would do you well to be in her circle.”  
“I think so too. She’s a great gal.”  
“Verily. She deserves someone truly good in her life.”  
“Yeah?” Steve asked, pieces starting to click together as Thor kept talking.  
“Someone who can take care of her, someone kind and strong. Someone worthy of her greatness.”  
Steve nodded, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing.  
“I think you would keep each other happy and in great love, if you ever decided to pursue her. I have it on good authority that she thinks of you fondly.”  
“Oh, that’s nice to hear.”  
“I believe she may even have a small crush on you, if Jane is to be believed. And my beloved is always to be believed.”  
“Wow, that’s… Ain’t that something?” Steve managed to say, face turning red as he tried to suppress laughter.  
“She would treat you well, and I trust you would treat her well in kind. You should ask her to spend time with you, if you wished.”  
Steve nodded again.  
“Oh, I am sorry Steven, I do not mean to embarrass you. If you do not wish to, I do not wish to pressure you. I care for her deeply and want her happiness. You would make great friends too, if that was all you wished.”  
“Thanks, Thor. I’ll keep it in mind.”  
“I hope you will.”  
Thor nodded, satisfied, then started on his second plate of food.  
“I gotta… go for a walk,” Steve managed, before taking off.

He laughed the whole way back to his room, almost dropping his key as he tried to unlock the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these dear sweet idiots!
> 
> Just a lil prologue to go and then it's all finished!  
I'm going to try and get it done in the next few days so I can then work more on my silly Avengers college AU idea


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So the reunion went well then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last little epilogue for this story, comin' atcha!

“Good afternoon, Miss Lewis.”  
Jarvis’s voice rang over the elevator speaker, voice as warm as the AI could manage.   
“Hey J, how’s it hanging?”  
“It is hanging well. Captain Rogers is in the main lounge; would you like to go there?”  
“Please!”  
The elevator dinged before starting to move.  
“Anything exciting happen since I last saw you, J?”  
“Nothing extremely out of the ordinary. Sir has started three fires in the past two days, but both were easily put out,” he informed her, somewhat ruefully. “There was a Hulk incident yesterday as a result of one though.”  
Darcy winced.  
“Any damage?”  
“Nothing we could not handle.”  
“Well, that’s good at least!”  
The AI hummed.

The doors opened to the main hall on the Avengers’ floor and Darcy wasted no time heading to find Steve.  
The team was spread across the kitchen and lounge, discussing something animatedly.  
Nat and Clint were sat on the kitchen counter and Thor was leaning against it, while Tony lay out on the couch, feet on Steve’s lap.  
Bruce was making a coffee and Bucky was making his way through a container of leftovers, shovelling food into his mouth at an alarming pace while he stood by the fridge.  
Even Maria had made an appearance, sitting on the floor by the TV.

Nat saw her first.  
“Hey, Darce!” she called, raising her hand in greeting.  
The conversation stopped abruptly as they all turned to look at her.  
Thor reacted first, stepping forward and sweeping her up into a bone-crushing hug.   
“Oh Darcy! I have missed you!” he cried. “It has been an age!”  
“It’s been about four days,” she told him, patting his back as he spun her.  
“Still, it feels like a millennia. How are you?”  
He put her down, but wrapped his arm around her shoulders to keep her close.  
“I’m good, big guy, same as always. Jane sends her love, of course,” she said, before turning to the group. “To all of you, actually. Apparently physics is boring right now and she misses the shenanigans of the tower.”  
“Well, she knows where to find me if she ever wants a job,” Tony said, shooting finger guns over the couch at her.  
“Jane’s made some truly awful decisions before, but I don’t think she’s ever done anything as dumb as agreeing to work for you.”  
“My beloved is as intelligent as she is beautiful, and even more thoughtful and kind,” Thor said warmly.  
He grinned down at Darcy, before his face fell.  
“You should have warned me you were coming. I am busy this evening and can not avoid or delay the plans.”  
“Oh, that’s fine, Thor.”  
“I fear it is not. I am sorry you came all the way into town for me to be unable to spend time with you. If you wish to, tomorrow I am free.”  
“I’m actually…” Darcy started, before Clint cut her off.  
“She’s not here for you, Goldilocks. Dollars to donuts.”  
Thor frowned, confused, and Darcy shrugged.  
“She’s kinda… here for me,” Steve said sheepishly, raising his hand.

Thor’s grin was brighter than the sun.

“Yeah, so… apparently I’m early,” Darcy said, stepping back out of Thor’s reach. “I’m going to wait downstairs. Let me know when you’re done.”  
“Can do, doll,” Steve said easily.  
She half-waved goodbye to them all, then turned and headed back to the elevator

-*-

They managed two minutes and forty seconds talking about the issue at hand (a necessary press conference none of them wanted to do) before Clint spoke up.  
“So the reunion went well then?”  
Steve shrugged, glancing at Maria as though she could help.  
“Yeah, we’re not getting anything more done here,” she said, closing the folder she had in her lap. “You’re all useless when there’s gossip.”  
“There’s no gossip,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.  
“Sounds like there is.”  
Maria stood, nodding at them all, and left.

“So… you gonna give us details?” Tony asked, looking like Christmas had come early. “All you told me was that you had a nice night.”  
“I did,” Steve allowed. “I did have a nice night.”  
“How nice?” Clint asked.  
He jumped off the counter and walked over to stand in front of Steve, hands on his hips.  
“Just nice.”  
“What did you do to our baby Darcy to get her all…”  
“Twitterpated?” Nat guessed, and Clint grinned.  
“Yeah, twitterpated.”  
“What the fuck is twitterpated?” Bucky asked.  
“Bambi,” Nat said, shrugging.

Steve sat silently, staring at the TV, which was turned off.  
“C’mon Steve,” Clint begged, kneeling in front of him and grabbing his hands. “The people want details. You can’t deny us this gossip.”  
He shook his head and Bucky laughed.

Tony started kicking at Steve’s thighs lightly, saying “come onnnnnnnn, come on, come on, come onnnnn, tell us”.  
“There’s nothing to tell."  
“You’re no fun,” Clint sniffed.  
“I know.”

Nat watched thoughtfully, before turning to Thor.  
“What did happen?” she asked softly. “What did you see?”  
“They had a good time, by all accounts,” Thor said. “Darcy seemed to enjoy herself. They drank well and were merry.”  
“That’s it?”  
“I believe she also slept in his room.”

The room went still, Steve tensing as they all stared at him.  
“Guess it’s a good thing I was busy,” Bruce said lightly. “Darcy is great, but I don’t think I would have been as much fun as Steve.”  
“Wait, when did you ask him?” Clint asked Thor, eyes narrowed.  
“I asked him first,” Thor told them. “Darcy asked for someone smart and incredibly handsome. Bruce was the obvious choice.”  
“Wait, how many people did you try before you got Steve to go?” Tony asked, sitting upright.  
“Only Bruce and Clint,” Thor told him. “Steven was the third person.”  
“You didn’t even think to ask me?” Tony whined.  
“Steven was only asked because Bucky suggested it. I’m sure you would have been my next thought.”

Bucky looked like a deer in headlights as Steve turned on him.  
“You?”  
“… Yes.”  
“Really?”  
“Well…”  
“Save it.”  
“But, all’s well that ends well, right?”

Steve stood suddenly, pushing Tony’s feet off his lap and almost knocking Clint over.

“I have to go,” he said tiredly.  
“Why’s that Cap?” Tony teased. “Got a hot date?”  
“As a matter of fact, I do.”

-*-

Steve appeared in the lobby much faster than Darcy was expecting, honestly.  
She knew the team well enough to imagine what they’d put him through for the sake of their curiosity.   
Probably didn’t help that she’d been winding Clint up all week about it.  
Ah well, c'est la vie.

She held her hand out and Steve grabbed it, lacing his fingers with hers.  
He didn’t slow down, heading quickly for the door.  
She let herself be tugged along with him, squeezing his hand gently.

When they were outside, he started heading down the street, pausing only to kiss her forehead before moving again.

“So… I take it that didn’t go well,” she said, it sounding more like a question as she furrowed her brow.  
“It was fine, honestly. They were all rather tame.”  
“I can’t believe they hadn’t figured it out already. It’s been months,” she said with a snort.  
“Speaking of, Thor knew, didn’t he?”  
“Yeah, I told him about fifteen minutes after breakfast and then again after our first date.”  
Steve laughed, throwing his head back and slowing right down.   
“What?” she asked, poking his side lightly.  
“He just managed to upset Tony and Clint, throw Bucky under the bus, and make me look like an idiot, all in the span of about three minutes.”  
“How?”  
“By pretending he had no idea about us.”  
He started laughing again which set her off.  
Together they stood on the sidewalk, her hands clutching at his shirt as she giggled.  
“God, I love him,” she gasped out eventually.  
“How much? Should I be worried?” he asked, his hands finding her waist.  
“I love him exactly as much as one should love the alien god who is dating their best friend of 15 years.”  
“How much is that?”  
“So much.”  
“And how much do you love super soldiers who are also costume wearing heroes?”  
She tapped her chin, looking thoughtful.  
“Depends, is the super soldier an ex-assassin who was brainwashed by the Russians, or is the super soldier an all-American boy who used to be scrawny and sacrificed himself to stop DC getting blown up?”  
“It was New York actually,” he said smugly, pressing a kiss to her temple.  
“Oh, well in that case… a lot.”  
“A lot, huh?”  
“More than the alien god, but less than the best friend of over a decade.”  
“Guess I’ll have to work on that.”  
“Work on what, sweetheart?”  
“Turning that ‘a lot’ into ‘the most’.”

She smiled up at him, that one smile that make his heart melt, and he kissed her nose.  
“I love you too, doll,” he said softly.   
“How much?”  
“Exactly as much as someone should love the girl of their dreams.”  
Darcy scrunched up her nose as she blushed, tugging on his shirt to pull him into a kiss.  
“Now… dinner?” he asked, forehead pressed to hers.  
“Sounds good.”

-*-

List of things that Darcy loves, in no specific order:

    1. Jane Foster
    2. Thor
    3. Her taser 
    4. Her mum and dad and step-mum and sister
    5. The colour blue
    6. Waffles
    7. When the worst experience of your life (high school) spawns a fantastic evening (the reunion), a brilliant story (refer to: the list of lies), and a boyfriend (Steve Rogers)
    8. The way the ocean looks as the sun is rising, the light reflecting off the waves
    9. Bagels
    10. Jane Austen
    11. Dancing to loud music
    12. Breakfast food in general
    13. And Steven Grant Rogers (Captain America to the world, Steve to his friends, sweetheart to her)
    14. Also bacon. She fucking loves bacon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me on this silly little story, and for all your love and support!  
I love Steve Rogers and I love Darcy Lewis and I love love so this was a really fun thing to write
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the ride <3


End file.
